Can’t Seem To Hit Publish

I am mad at a few people from an incident that occurred almost two weeks ago. Yes, TWO WEEKS AGO and I am still as mad as I was then. I don’t know what to do about this. I figured I could just type my thoughts up into a blog entry, hit publish, and that would be the end of it. I even started writing a few days ago, but I ran out of time to say everything I wanted to say. I re-read what I wrote the following day, and it was just perfect as-is. I just have one problem…

I can’t seem to hit publish!

I’m still feeling so hurt and betrayed by the whole situation, but typing up my thoughts did NOT make me feel better like I thought it would. I’m quite convinced that hitting publish certainly won’t make me feel any better either. So now what? I dunno… occupy my mind with other stuff I guess. There seems to be no other way for me to deal with this problem.

I was feeling so ON EDGE last night when I went to bed. I woke up this morning feeling exactly the same, which in turn made me feel WORSE. I was in such a bad mood by the time I left for work, on a damn TUESDAY, that I knew I wouldn’t be able to stomach sitting in the car all that time listening to MUSIC.

How sad is that? I love music more that just about anything in life, and I have days that I can’t even stand to listen to MUSIC. 🙁 Ugh.

Well I certainly can’t drive to work in silence, so I did the only other thing I could do: put on some podcasts. Yes, the podcasts I was finding so inspirational until my husband’s job problems sucked all the inspiration out of me. 🙁

WOW! Like a breath of fresh air! I HAVE to figure out how to keep my mind focused in this direction. I HAVE TO! I just don’t know how… but I have to figure that out somehow. Once again, the podcast I listened to was EXACTLY what I needed to hear this morning. That’s when I decided not to publish the other blog entry I wrote. I’m better than that… better than the whole stupid, childish situation. I did not cause this problem. I knew it at the time and I know it now. I’m not going to publish anything to fuel the fire, no matter how I may feel about things. I’m better than that and my anger is best directed into something more productive.

Now… HOW to fit the stuff I want to learn into my life? Sadly, my job isn’t inspiring to me, but it does pay the bills. I’m never going to be able to make my job fulfilling, but I HAVE to figure out how to squeeze the fulfilling stuff in around the job that pays the bills. One day this will change. 🙂